Chapter 3 - bghvgjdh

Jul 19, 2020

(Original Post)

15 Opal: At last! I've been hired to perform an on-site evaluation of a real, functioning Fortress! All my years of complaining to adventurers in taver- I mean, *networking*, have finally paid off! The name of the site is "Siegedcraft," and based on the name alone, I've already started brainstorming some optimizations to try out...

1 Granite: Day 1 - Preliminary Survey

I have arrived at Siegedcraft! Immediately I'm struck by the fact that, contrary to the name, there seems to be no siege in sight? In fact, the fort seems relatively... undefended?

There hardly seems to be any military presence whatsoever; their need is so great indeed that I was enlisted to the service upon arrival, despite my clear status as a white-collar officedwarf! I'll include this in my report to the fort authority; after all, dwarves that are dying to the pointy end of goblin weapons or monster claws hardly will make an efficient, well-mannered workforce!

2 Granite: Day 2

For some reason the previous head of operations have only provided communal sleeping quarters for the population. I've taken it upon myself to order the miners to dig out space for private bedrooms. Privacy breeds Productivity!**

**note to self, trademark this later

3 Granite: Day 3 - The Siege

Well, as I feared, the meager military is going to be put to the test. I've surveyed some of the unenlisted for combat experience in hopes of bolstering our chances. With teamwork, we can do anything!

I've locked the doors, at the very least. Maybe they'll think nobody's home?

The invaders seem oddly scared of this hermit living in a fortified hut near the outskirts of the settlement. I wonder why?

5 Granite:

Well, all the invaders have fled in terror from... something. A victory for teamwork and locked doors!

All the same, I've decided to enlist some military-minded dwarves to begin training a second squad in case the next invasion isn't so easily spooked.

9 Granite: Day 9 - The Giantess

I suppose that was a good call! Not that my freshly-minted recruits have gained any experience in the past 4 days. Not to worry- our superior numbers and tactics will win the day!

But what exactly IS that that it's holding...?

A gift! Just for us? You shouldn't have!

After briefly mauling a poor visiting Mathematician, a brave recruit steps forward to begin the fight...

Let it be known that this is the result of poor teamwork!

Luckily, the new militia captain and I are here to avenge our fallen brother!

That's the power of synergy!

11 Granite: Day 11 - The Death of Smug Flewjudge

After a group of untrained, inexperienced dwarves spent two entire days and nights pummeling the giantess, keeping her unconscious, the militia commander finally arrived and slew the beast in one strike with his steel spear.

This is a perfect example of the power of teamwork and synergy!

At some point during the struggle, a dog fell down some stairs and tragically struck and killed a poor stonecrafter.

I really need to contact OSHA about getting some handrails in this place...

Altogether, the death toll for the giantess attack was two dwarves and one puppy. Sometimes, the workforce needs a bit of downsizing to reach optimum efficiency; rather than "downsizing", it helps to think of it as "rightsizing!"

[[OOC: I have no clue what caused that puppy to go flying through the air, he wasn't anywhere near the fight. Ghosts?]]

15 Granite - Day 15

The elves have arrived with their wares. I saw fit to purchase a capybara and giant mosquito; perhaps some exotic pets will improve workplace morale after the tragic giantess attack?

25 Granite - Day 25

I've figured out why the invading forces were so terrified of this dwarf. I wonder why none of my co-workers told me about this...

2 Slate - Day 30

I've received a report that a dog has grown! Upon checking the animal stocks of the fortress, I was shocked to find a large population of animals going underutilized that can seriously improve our military capabilities. I've directed the animal trainers to start on that immediately.

3 Slate - Day 31

New co-workers have arrived to enrich the workplace! A diverse workforce is critical for innovation and creativity.

Speaking of innovation, one of the new arrivals is a legendary leatherworker! I'll have to find a good way to maximize his skills in our community!

This migrant wave also brought many, many dwarves proficient in combat skills, which is much needed for our growing military. I'll have them equipped as soon as possible.

13 Slate - Day 41

My optimizations have begun to inspire the laborers living here! I can't wait to see what this valued worker produces. Maybe a statue of me?

27 Slate - Day 55

Well... at least I can order him to create statues now. Hopefully of me.

24 Felsite - Day 80 Work has been going smoothly for a while now. As a reward, I've decided to give the workforce access to many new types of alcohol by making an above--ground farming area. Let's push our production quotas even higher!

5 Hematite - Day 89

To commemorate the new alcohol sources, I'm proud to break the ground on a new tavern, located just next to the library. The workforce should be delighted by the constant spray of mist, keeping everything nice and moist! A moist worker is a happy worker**! I've placed the artifact recovered from the giantess in a display here, to forever commemorate the unstoppable force of teamwork. Remember, teamwork makes the dream work!

**maybe don't trademark this one?

14 Malachite - Day 126 - Arrival of Tsuchinoko

Reports from the caverns of another monster approaching - lucky for me, the previous overseers had the foresight to seal all entrances off. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!

1 Galena - Day 141

I've designated a new area for our newly expanded military to train. Not perfect, but it gets them out of the cramped space near the stairwell until a better space can be prepared. The proper space is half the task!

11 Galena - Day 151 - The Cyclops

Another workplace disturbance showed up today.

Unfortunately for her, her visit coincided with some very talented interns... I think I'll let them take care of this one.

Shortly after, even more friends showed up! Truly the best defense is a good tavern to attract quality adventurers.

And she brought a gift as well! Never knew an elf to craft metal armor, but that's OUR metal armor now.

So much for my visitor defense force. Guess this, too, will have to be solved via leveraging synergy!

Unfortunately, it seems she's learning how to more effectively wield her copper pants.

No match for the power of synergy, however.

One dwarf suffered a particularly nasty shoulder injury, but no citizens were killed taking down this threat. An efficient effort!

13 Limestone - Day 181

Phenomenal news from the mountainhome! My efforts to grow the Siegedcraft brand have not been in vain, and we've been selected for elevation to a barony. It warms my heart to see an appreciation for efficient, productive workers. I, of course, have nominated myself for the cushy promot- I mean, demanding managerial task of representing the Barony of Siegedcraft in this new chapter of prosperity.

I've requested additional supplies of coke and coal from the traders to keep our burgeoning steel industry going - I have a feeling we'll need plenty of it in the future. They, of course, made some requests as well - it seems that gems and amulets will be a significant source of income for next year.

20 Limestone - Day 188

I've noticed certain of our fine workers have higher core competencies than others. To help these dwarves reach their potential, I've created a VIP crafting area near the magma forges for legendary dwarves only. This should give us an edge on production of quality products!

And speaking of quality, the private dwarf apartments are finally complete. Fully modular and with room for future expansion, these rooms allow every valued worker to live in comfort and privacy, keeping them happy, in turn improving production. Privacy breeds Productivity!**

**yep. still like that, gonna trademark it

23 Limestone - Day 191

Every day there are more signs of the workforce being inspired by the changes I've made around here. Maybe this one will create an image of me?

2 Sandstone - Day 198

Still, I am paid no respect by my subordinate coworkers! Now that I am their baron, it may be time to create a force to... "delegate" some of my work to them.

10 Sandstone - Day 206 - Arrival of Solid Snake

Hah! Once again, these foolish beasts come groveling through the caverns! They cannot touch me! I am invincible!

11 Sandstone - Day 207 - Day of the Kaiju


I can hear the clash echoing through the halls from every place in the fortress. Scouts are reporting that the two titanic serpents are locked in a deadly struggle, trading blows and grapples almost imperceptibly quickly. Webs coat the walls and floors, binding Oquari and allowing Osmos to land devastating blows. However, Oquari has managed to keep up; venom drips from gaping holes in Osmos' gypsum flesh, and Osmos' wings have been crippled. A venomous serpent of flesh, fighting a gypsum serpent with webbing... it is for the best that they cannot reach us.

13 Sandstone - Day 209 - Day of Quiet

For three days my fort has been filled with the sounds of conflict. Finally, after a lone, piercing roar, there is silence. Regardless of which monstrosity still lives, I've made my choice- we will not venture into the caverns as long as I'm making decisions in this fort. I was foolish to mock these creatures. The caverns belong to them now; they've earned it, through blood.

Scouts have reported back on the outcome of the fight. It seems that in the end, Oquari landed a devastating blow, decapitating Osmos in a single strike.

Oquari has earned the name "Plagueseduced," and the right never to be bothered by any dwarf under my command.

14 Sandstone -- Day 210

Migrants have arrived. I can't help but think that I'm being sent lazy, subpar workers. What happened to the days when we would receive legendary leathercrafters, eager to improve the fortunes of our fortress? Now these leeches come to ride our coattails!

3 Timber - Day 227

My barony grows in prestige! Delegation of tasks is key to an efficient workforce. Perhaps I could "delegate" some of the more... problematic members of the fort to this new outpost?

3 Moonstone - Day 255 - The Final Test

The enemy arrives once again, and before I could finish my new plan for static fortifications! Once again, we must muster the power of synergy to defeat this dark foe!

That's a lot of goblins.

And some good news, just before the storm hits! (Bonus: Dwarven Child about to get mauled by a Beak Dog)

I'm receiving reports that dwarves stuck outside are refusing to abandon their hauling jobs and carrying granite stones while trying to flee the goblins. The dedication to the job is noted, but also it's their own fault if I have to seal the doors and they're not inside yet. I've sent an order forbidding the hauling of all stone, and yet they persist... Stubborn as ever.

That's a LOT of trolls.

Unfortunately, the secret weapon that I was preparing for just such an occasion lies half complete at the entrance of the fort... it will do me no good now.

There's only one thing to be done. One final stand against the darkness.

One final display of synergy.

I've recruited the entire fortress to help. The more experienced squads will take the first entry point, and the newly recruited civilians will hold the second level. Only Armok can help us now.

The first door has been breached.

Corpses soon began to choke the hall. Somehow, our forces were holding their own, but at significant cost... I don't know how long we can keep this up.

We've lost a previous overseer... a great warrior, gone forever.

It's clear now... I have no choice but to join the fight myself!

11 Moonstone - Day 263 - War's End

It's... over. Somehow, against all odds, we held them off. We lost a lot of valuable business partners today... 35 dead dwarves, by my count, plus innumerable war dogs and one giant mosquito.

During the fight, there were innumerable accounts of heroism, too many to list here. The two dwarves I will write of are Morul Avuzokol the Speardwarf and Imara Alinopavi the warrior-poet. Morul began this fight as a fresh-faced recruit, inexperienced but eager to prove herself. She soon showed her worth, dispatching enemies at an unmatched pace and barely taking a scratch the entire battle. For her valor, I have decided to reward her by promoting her to the newly vacated position of Militia Commander.

[[Excerpt of Morul's heroism]]

Imara Alinopavi was no stranger to battle. He joined the fort as both an experienced poet and competent axedwarf, a unique combination which allowed him to weave beautiful firsthand tales of his own martial adventures. Truth be told, he was a bit of a braggart. But, he proved his worth in the siege, carving through enemy soldiers with beauty, grace, and STYLE, earning the title of Champion of Siegedcraft.

[[Excerpt of Imara's heroism]]

Nothing to do now but bury the dead and keep the surviving workforce sane. This is going to be an HR nightmare... Luckily, my contract is up in two months, so soon it won't be up to me.

[[OOC Note: I saved a lot of combat logs that I found amusing for various reasons that I couldn't be bothered to work into the narrative. If you're like to read them, they're compiled here in no particular order.]]

17 Moonstone - Day 269

You can tell the workers have been through a lot.

Unfortunately, a fisherdwarf turned violent towards his fellow workers, and had to be... officially reprimanded.

4 Opal - Day 284

Our economic influence grows, even as our mental stability wanes. That's capitalism, baby!

5 Opal - Day 285

One month until retirement... one month until retirement......... one month until retirement...........................

I wish I had a better choice, but brave Imara refused to run and wait out the transformation even when ordered to. I hope he can avoid that terrible fate...

Thankfully, Imara came out unscathed. Can't say the same for that depressed marksdwarf, though... We're going to need a containment chamber for him.

1 Obsidian - Day 308

I've designated a small memorial hall in remembrance of the fallen, as an outlet for grief.

What? Is that not enough for you whiners?

2 Obsidian - Day 309

I fear this communal depression is starting to affect the subject matter of my fort's works.

Should I stop him from desecrating a corpse like this...? No, I'll just leave him to his devices.

6 Obsidian - Day 313

I'm starting to believe that word of this place's fate hasn't yet reached the outside world. We'll take the extra cash flow!

7 Obsidian - Day 314

I think this is just a spinal cord with no changes made to it, but I'm not about to argue with the dwarf that just murdered a baby to make a family heirloom.

8 Obsidian - Day 315

Upon further inspection of the goblin leavings, I've discovered one of the wretches was wielding an artifact pike! I've displayed it in our memorial hall as a memory of the battle.

28 Obsidian - Final Day

It's time for me to retire. I think I'll stick around the premises to take advantage of my noble position in this fort, but I'm done making decisions. As my final act, I've eked out a humble mausoleum for myself near the river. My final request is that, upon my inevitable death, the lever inside be pulled.

My final request is that, upon my inevitable death, the lever inside be pulled.

Farewell, Siegedcraft. While my tenure was short and eventually bloody, it was at the very least profitable!

[[OOC: Ooh boy. I really was not expecting seven invasions in the span of a single year, and considering I had to train and equip the military basically from scratch, I think I did as well as I could have been expected to. I used up our supply of coke rushing to make steel weapons and armor, and unfortunately never got the chance to set up a magma forge, but the infrastructure for getting that is still in place. But the stress is going to be the biggest issue to deal with for the next overseer; this might be an unplayable state, honestly... Almost every dwarf is in some degree of mental shutdown. And now my watch is ended. Good luck!]]