Chapter 7 - BlueZest

Jul 19, 2020

(Original Post)

I have arrived, after a long journey from the mountain homes. A strange happenstance allows me to take command of an entire fortress of dwarves. I know not what the lord of the dwarves thinks a humble Blue Red-Panda Man could do to optimize the efficiency of so many capable people; but here I am.

Before I can even set foot in the fortress, I am greeted by a runner from the fort. They thought it was important to greet their new overseer with bad news, so I didn’t get my hopes up.

An elderly dancer danced himself right to death in the tavern. I made a note to investigate the strange situation later when I have gotten settled. I hope he just died doing what he loved.

Once again, before I have even settled; as I walk through the fort, I find several unfinished projects scattered around as if the dwarves were struck by a serious case of the attention deficiencies. I made sure to delegate any free dwarf to finish the task; no one wants to trip over an unfinished chair.

A heavy whiff of death carries down into the fort as I enter. Not coming from the piles of bodies lying within our defenses; it instead comes from the jam-packed crypts built but a few levels into the fort. They are just RACKING them like piles of used clothing! I have decided on my first official project; getting a proper goddamn mausoleum for everyone.

I’m starting to realize why I may have been hired; my skill at creating efficiently design living spaces. Now these poor dead souls will get their proper resting place.

Oh my god… what the HELL is that thing the cage?! I understand the dwarves have strange affinity for animal people; but a WERECREATURE!? Don’t they know those things are why we fear the night?

Going to forgot about that one, let’s keep going…

Before I even allow myself a wink of sleep after my long trip, I’ve spent hours designing and drawing out plans for the new “Halls of the Dead”. A Fitting, if slightly Macabre resting place for our noble dwarves. I’ve carved out an interesting ending chamber for any nobles who would like to be a piece of dwarven megaproject history.

When I entered the fort, I noticed they didn’t have proper fortifications atop the walls. How are the dwarves supposed to shoot enemies outside the fort if there are no fortifications? I had the walls ripped out and replaced immediately… honestly there is too much wood here; I SHOULD just replace the entire thing with stone… I should get the masons to work on some rock blocks.

3rd Granite: I took a census of the number of dwarves in the fort… there is a LOT of goddamn dwarves in this fort. The smell of so many dwarves concentrated in this small space is indescribable.

Just as I was finishing looking over the census; I hear distant shouting; calls of a vile force of darkness; but by the time I arrive above ground; the army has apparently effed off back the way they came… guess they don’t like the smell either. Even though they were dwarves.

4th Granite: A fort this large is attracting some unwelcome attention from the despicable scum of the earth. Some snatchers stopped by hopeful for someprey but were sadly disappointed. Once again, dwarves… are we at war with other dwarves?

I checked the records, and we don’t appear to be at war with any dwarves… is something on the horizon? Something… unpleasant?

5th Grante: I always heard snatchers would run off after being spotted; these little buggers were determined... luckily a bard decided to step in and smash his face in with his instrument.

6th Granite: I just realized running around naked in this fort is not quite acceptable among other bipedal species (like dwarves) I have commissioned some fashionable clothing in my size.

13th Granite: I got a petition for a monster hunter to join the fort. I accepted; and then was immediately asked if they could have a room to rent. Upon checking the lists of our tavern; I realize with a shock that no one has designated any rooms for guests to stay on our tavern! I immediately set out to remedy this.

I designated out some space just north of the nobles quarters due to the near proximity to the tavern.

Elves also arrived today; I put some goodies in the stockpile to trade with them.

By goodies I mean all of the smelly old pants I saw lying around on my trips around the fort. I think they may be opening up a used clothing store somewhere, because they bought all that junk.

17th Granite: After checking around the fort for the second time, I realized we don’t have a clothier’s shop. No wonder ive had to wander around naked these past few weeks. Remedying that NOW.

20th We didn’t even need to trade all of the old smelly clothing; the elves were EXTATIC to get just a small little pile. I traded for some fresh clothes, and also a giant camel, giant cougar, and giant kestrel. I also got a regular sized loon. Im tempted to ride the kestrel out of this place. Its still so early in my year long mandate…

16th Slate: Now I know why I have been sent to this outpost by the king; he wished me to use my fantastic planning abilities to make the fort ready for his arrival. Siegecraft is now the mountainholms. Long Live the King!

I mean Queen… Time to start making her quarters…

It is designed! An opulent Royal area in the shape of a sword. The runes on it ensure future prosperity of the fort.

Human merchants decided to visit, they told me they were opening a used clothing store somewhere far in the north; so I sold them a massive pile of used clothing I heard was lying around.

28th Malachite: Can anyone in the seemingly endless temples downstairs preform an exorcism?

10th Galena: Well… the imagery is not what I would call “child friendly” but the kid doesn’t seem to even remember making it, so no harm done.. right?

2nd Sandstone: Our first caravan from the "outer lands"! I hope they like slightly soiled pantaloons!

6th Timber: Apparently the previous overseers had a soft spot for every starving artist in the world. Our population out of control already, i made up a story about a new type of festival called "WoodstockTM" in nearby Dishlanced. I hope they are ready for about 50 musicians and poets..

20th Obsidian: With just a few days left of my mandate, i wanted to show off what we accomplished in my time. Here is the finished queens quarters and outpost liason area. Filled with steel statues and polished floors.

The finished Halls of the Dead (left), and pet cemetary (right) The tunnels of death were emptied, and their occupants given a dignified nook in the hallways of the dead.

I now retire into the peace of the fort.

(I turned the lever off for the water fountain to try and save FPS. feel free to turn it back on to resume that mist effect)